Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! It's a wonderful time, but planning a wedding can often seem overwhelming. Here are some tips to help you through those anxious moments:

1) When people are nervous their breathing becomes shallow and rapid. One quick way to help you relax is to simply change your breathing pattern. This method only takes a few minutes and can even be practiced at a wedding rehearsal: Shut your eyes and focus your attention on your breathing. Try to allow slow breaths to gently come from your abdomen, but don't strain. Simultaneously, you might want to think of your inhalations as breathing in fresh, calming energy and your exhalation breaths as breathing out tension.

2) Another popular technique: sit or lie down, shut your eyes and, after breathing gently for a few minutes, picture yourself in a peaceful, nurturing setting. Many people like to imagine themselves at a beach, in a meadow, or walking through the woods. You can visualize birds singing or waves lapping against the shore. You can be alone, with your fiance, or whatever appeals to you at the moment. Then, when you're fully relaxed, open your eyes and bring this peaceful feeling back with you into your present environment. (You can do this because you have shifted your perception from stressful thoughts to calming ones). For some people, playing soothing music enhances the effect.

3) Actually spend some time in nature, which is inherently relaxing. Or, spend a day doing something exciting which has nothing to do with planning your wedding. Changing your focus reduces your anxiety level.

4) Physical exercise (even a brisk walk) combats stress as does time out in a nurturing activity such as an unhurried, luxurious bath. (The scent of Lavender in the bath water can act as a further relaxant). Yoga and Chi Gung are also great stress-busters.

5) Write down what is really important to you about your wedding and what are simply details. If some things seem to overlap, imagine that you have been married for l0 years and are looking back on your wedding. Did it really matter whether the invitations were exactly the right shade of ivory or whether they sent you white ones by mistake? What would you most like to remember about your wedding? What is the heart of it?

6) Be kind to yourself. If you are totally stressed out, you may be holding yourself to a higher standard than anyone else is. Most of the people you've invited to your wedding simply want to support you and share in your joy. Remember, everyone loves a wedding and, somehow, almost all weddings seem to turn out well despite the obstacles along the way.

7) Encourage yourself with logical, coping statements when you confront stressful situations. Examples are:

"I can handle this by taking it one step at a time. I don't have to make all my decisions at once."
"It's all right to change my mind or even make a mistake."
"I can ask my wedding coordinator or people in the chat room for opinions. I don't have to know all the answers."
"I was able to cope with ------, I can certainly cope with this."
"I'm going to enjoy myself no matter what."
"The thing that counts most is that I'm marrying the man I love."

Come up with your own statements. Try to remember what coping thoughts helped you in past situations.

8. Get enough sleep. If you find yourself tossing and turning or waking up in the middle of the night with the guest list on your mind, try drinking a warm glass of scalded milk before bedtime. (It's an old remedy that still works!). You might also want to eliminate caffeine (including sodas) and chocolate from your diet as well as late evening snacks. These things tend to keep you awake.

9. Ask for help if you need it. You don't have to do everything yourself.

10. Have fun with your wedding! One couple I know had the whole wedding party dressed in costumes from the Renaissance period. Did they worry that others might find it odd? Maybe for about five minutes. Did everyone have a good time? Absolutely! Remember, in the final analysis, your wedding is a celebration of your love for each other. Why stress over a happy occasion?

Bobbi Lawrence, the author of this article, has a masters degree in psychology from the Western Institute for Social Research, specializing in marriage and family therapy, and is certified at the highest level in creative visualization, guided imagery, and hypnosis by the American Council of Hypnotist Examiners. She is the co-author of two books and has produced a guided relaxation tape for brides.

Submitted By:
Bobbi Lawrence
Allied Productions