Choosing a friend or family member to participate in your wedding is one of the greatest honors you can bestow upon someone. It says that you value that person - and her opinions - so much that you want her to be part of one of the most important days of your life. But do not make the mistake of believing that only your attendants are taking a place of honor in your ceremony. Remember that there are many intrinsic parts to a wedding ceremony, and each position should be filled with someone you and your future spouse value. When you run out of positions as bridesmaids and groomsmen, you can still invite someone to be a scripture reader, an element bearer (if you are having communion during your wedding), a vocalist or instrumentalist or even serve as the guardian of the guestbook, making sure everyone signs it (usually best for young children who weren't chosen to be flowergirls or ringbearers).
Once you have asked someone to participate in your wedding and she has agreed, then it is important to support that honor with visible outward symbols. One of the first ways to recognize your attendants during your wedding weekend is to throw a small brunch or luncheon for them. Usually these are held separately (a groomsmen's luncheon and a bridesmaid's luncheon). They do not have to be elaborate affairs, they are simply a chance for the bride and all her attendants (or the groom and his attendants) to spend some time together before the craziness of the wedding day commences. It is also a good chance for all the attendants to meet and get to know each other (especially if some are from out of town), and for those who have traveled to come to the wedding, it is a chance to relax and unwind after the trip.
The second chance to recognize your attendants is when everyone is together for the rehearsal dinner. Obviously the dinner is a time for everyone to toast the bride and groom before they are married, but it is also the best time to distribute your attendants' gifts. In most cases, I would suggest gifts that are individual and reflect the unique relationship with each of your attendants. While "uniform" gifts prevent anyone from feeling slighted, they do not show each of your attendants how much she is valued. The one exception I see to this is if you are purchasing gifts for your attendants that would actually be used during the wedding ceremony (for example, matching necklaces). While it is true that finding unique gifts for each attendant takes a little longer and is a little more work, with some planning - and giving yourself ample time, and not going out the day before they all arrive to go shopping - you should be able to find something that fits each of your attendants to a tee, and reflects their current circumstances and your relationship.
As the gifts are passed out to each attendant, it is also a nice gesture to say a word about each attendant before handing her the gift, and then letting her unwrap it while everyone watches, so she can show it off. This is a fun chance to share childhood stories, college memories, or simply tell the whole wedding party just how much your best friend means to you. If you are super-organized, you can sit down and write speeches for each one, but usually just off-the-cuff remarks are appropriate and considered the most from-the-heart.
The day of the wedding, it is nice to have a note in your wedding bulletin thanking your attendants for participating the ceremony. It can be as simple as "Richard and I want to thank all of you who have supported us and come together for this first day of the rest of our lives together." Consider having your attendants stand in the receiving line with you so everyone will get a chance to meet them. It makes the line a little bit longer, but it allows your other friends and family to briefly chat with your "honor squad."
Finally, attendants should always be introduced as they enter the reception hall. It is traditional for the bride and groom to be introduced as they enter, but it is a nice touch to introduce each couple (i.e. maid of honor with best man, etc.) as they enter the hall. While the introduction is traditionally done by the DJ or a master of ceremonies, I saw a beautiful departure from this at a wedding I attended a few years ago. The bride and groom were introduced as they entered the reception hall, then they, in turn, introduced each of their attendants, sharing stories about their friends and family as they entered the hall (they passed the microphone back and forth so they could introduce each couple together). What a wonderful tribute to the people who stood up with them on their wedding day!
I hope this gives you all a few good ideas on how to say thank you to your attendants. After all, they are the ones standing by you as you make one of the most important promises of your life.
Submitted By:
Mary E. Henry
Christian by Design