Weddings are a time to celebrate love, of course, but they are also a time to celebrate your families and your faith. Often I see the latter two being left out or largely ignored. With a few easy steps, this can be remedied, and this will also help make your wedding a unique reflection of the two of you and your relationship.
From the beginning, the plans you make for your wedding will reveal what is important in your relationship and your lives. Your family ties, and the support of your parents, can be celebrated in many ways during the actual wedding ceremony. An obvious place to include your siblings is in the bridal party. But where and how can you involve your parents in the ceremony?
One of the first places you may want to involve your parents is in the prelude to the ceremony. If you plan on lighting a Unity Candle, consider having both parents light the tapers. Traditionally, the tapers are called the "Mothers' Candles," but if your parents have provided a model to you for what a marriage should be, it is nice to allow their relationship to be celebrated through lighting the taper together.
Another place to involve your parents is in the presentation of the bride and groom. Today, many brides are resisting being "given away." That phrase has largely fallen out of favor, and I have seen several weddings where the bride walked down the aisle herself, without being escorted. However, another way to celebrate your family bonds is to allow each family to present both the bride and the groom. Instead of the priest saying, "Who gives this woman to be married?" he would say first, "Who presents this woman to be married?" and then "Who presents this man to be married?" At these questions, both sets of parents would say, "We do." This gives your marriage a history firmly grounded in both your families from the very beginning.
Finally, once the two of you are officially "husband and wife," it is nice to acknowledge the family you are being accepted in to. My favorite custom for doing this is the presenting of the roses. Once a couple lights their Unity Candle, they then take one rose each and present it to their new in-laws (the roses make a nice decoration around the Unity Candle, and are then readily available to be given away). The presentation can be done either individually or as a couple, depending on your preference. (Just an idea: when I was married, my husband and I did not put the presentation of the roses in the program, and we did not tell our parents about it ahead of time. It made for a nice surprise in the middle of the ceremony and was well received by our parents.)
Once the ceremony is over, you can continue to celebrate your parents at your wedding reception. Both sets of parents should be introduced by the DJ or band as they enter the reception. And as tradition dictates, the bride should always dance with her father and the groom with his mother. It is appropriate, too, to reserve a dance with the appropriate in-law, as well (i.e. father-in-law for the bride; mother-in-law for the groom). Another very appropriate place to recognize your parents is during the toasts. Once the toast has been made by the best man (and maid of honor, if you so desire), the groom may stand up and toast his in-laws, thanking them for bringing his wife into the world and for raising her to be the wonderful woman she is. The bride may then toast her in-laws in a similar vein.
The love you and your spouse-to-be share is in many ways a direct reflection of the love your parents raised you with. With a few additions to your special day, you can recognize and thank them publicly for all they have done for you, and don't they deserve it?

Submitted By:
Mary E. Henry
Christian by Design